Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
