I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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