try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
