I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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