You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
