I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
