Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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