To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
