I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
