Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
