Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
