That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
