Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
