Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
