I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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