The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
