I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
