I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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