Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
