It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
