I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
