is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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