So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
