GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
