I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
