you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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