Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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