You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
