Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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