dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
