Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
