Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am midnight drunk by noon
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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