Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
