I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
