wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
