My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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