Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
