I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
