Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
