she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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