Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
