Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
