do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
