I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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