your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
