areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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