he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She's the barista slut.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
