i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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