Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
