When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
