i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
